![]() If we are leaning back, looking at the ceiling, but listening intently, the person still may not feel heard. People react to non-verbal cues as much as words. Tip #4: Show Non-Verbal Active Listening - Lastly, listening is also about sending the right non-verbal cues. Instead, ask the person to clarify the part you didn’t get, after they are done speaking. You may think you are saving face or looking smart, but you won’t seem so smart in the long run. Practice: Do not pretend to understand something when you don’t. It’s always better to ask questions than to assume that we know what they’re talking about. Instead, we want to paraphrase what we did understand, and then ask a question about what we didn’t understand. Can you repeat that?” No one wants to repeat everything they just said. ![]() This is not about saying ” I didn’t hear you. Tip #3: Ask Specific Questions to Clarify - Another way to make sure we heard correctly and show we are listening is to ask specific questions when something we heard is unclear. Is that right?…Let me see if I understood this correctly - are you saying x y z?” Wait for the person to nod or correct you before answering the question, or making comments about the statement. Practice: After the person has finished talking, you can say something like “If i understood you correctly, you are asking me x y z. Repeating what they said in our own words will demonstrate that we heard them, processed what they said, and are taking some time to make sure we are on the same page before moving forward. Paraphrasing is repeating back in our own words (not verbatim) what the person said. Tip #2: Paraphrase What You Heard - Just because we are listening, doesn’t mean we can assume that we heard the other person correctly. Also, don’t interrupt the person while they are speaking - that is a sure sign that you are not listening well. You can also say “that’s a great question” to buy time. Think about what you want to say next after the other person has finished speaking. Practice: Do not think about what to say next while you are listening. When we worry about what to say next, we naturally won’t hear everything the other person is saying, and we’ll fill in the blanks with our own assumptions.This often happens in job interviews - we are so nervous about how to say why we are qualified that we don’t listen, and therefore don’t answer the question that was asked into interview. ![]() This is due to lack of confidence in ourselves, and a failure to be present with the speaker. Tip #1 Be Confident and Present in the Conversation - Often times, we don’t listen well, not because we don’t want to, but because we are too busy trying to figure out what to say next, and we’re worrying about having something valuable to say.
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